React, Respond

Just let it go, Renata.  That’s what I kept telling myself for the last two days.  But for some reason there’s still another lesson to learn.  So what is it?

For the last two days I feel as if I’ve been in a spiritual growth spurt.  While I’m learning and ‘knowing’ a lot, it hasn’t been painless to say the least.  I’ve been triggered left and right by those I know and love, as well as perfect strangers.  So, of course, the common denominator is me.  And, what in heaven’s name am I trying to teach myself?

Well, without getting uber-specific about what has been happening I can tell you these things have come to the surface for me.

• Feelings of anger, irritation, rage and disbelief.
• Having the desire or need to “prove my position”.
• Wanting to react with sarcasm, snide comments and rudeness.
• Confusion about why people feel, act and behave in certain ways. 
• Not understanding the motives of those whom I thought I knew.

I usually consider myself the type of person that can see all sides to a situation. While I may not agree with every side, I can understand why one would have a belief or act in certain ways.  However, with some of the pressing issues that are occurring presently, I’m at a loss.  I just don’t understand why people believe the things they do.  On top of that, I’m saddened by the shock that some of these people are the closest to me, and I can’t understand them.

Part of me wants to rant and rave about how ridiculous they are and how their beliefs are destroying the world.  But, that won’t do any good.  And, it certainly is not the way I want to respond.

The biggest lesson thus far over the last two days, is that I’m learning how much more adept I have become at responding to a situation rather than reacting.  I would say that for most of my life I have reacted to any given stimulus, without taking all of the variables into consideration.  Now, I feel much more comfortable letting something sit with me for awhile, even if it is uncomfortable.  And, asking myself; how do you REALLY want to respond to this?  What type of person are you, and how would that person respond to this situation?

So for now, I’m sitting, in an uncomfortable and receptive position, waiting for the perfect response to an imperfect situation.