I'm so excited...I just found this writing on an old thumb drive that my husband had. I wrote it when I was interviewing for a position with an Intervention company. While I didn't end up working with the company I did enjoy writing this little diddy about NLP. It was this document that got me my first meeting with them!While vacationing this week in Costa Rica, I found myself among a group of healers trained in a variety of modalities. Many of these amazing people were trained in the field of NLP, but there were a few who were a little lost when we would dive into our NLP terminology to describe something we found interesting. I found myself answering the question; what is NLP? As I began to answer, I realized one very important question that I was asking myself: Who is asking? And, I mean this in the most literal sense. Depending on who is asking, and who is answering the definition of NLP will change. The reason for this is simple. There are many answers because NLP can be used in almost every part of the human experience. The very basis on which NLP was created is the notion of modeling successful ways of doing things. Whether that means becoming a superstar athlete, overcoming addictions and phobias, or learning how to be a master communicator, NLP is an invaluable method for creating phenomenal results.
Describing how NLP is integrated into daily life is kind of like describing how the experience of breathing air for the first time as a newborn becomes automatic. Just as breathing becomes a natural, normal function, NLP becomes an unconscious way of living, communicating and experiencing life. When given the time to develop the lungs in the womb, a newborn can breathe and scream as soon as she is born. Her lungs are strong and she does not need to think about how to take her next breath, she just does it. In the same way the newborn can learn to regulate her breath with simplicity, NLP can be incorporated into everyday life.
Just the other day my younger sister came to me with what seemed to be a rather serious issue. She plopped down on my bed and began to describe to me why she was in the decision making process of whether or not to break up with her boyfriend. As she began to describe her rather troubling situation my antennae shot up and my sensory acuity skills became alert. I started to realize that I had already unconsciously begun to sense how she was experiencing her situation. I watched her eyes and body; I listened to her tone and words, and started to notice the tiny clues that would assist me in helping her.
The first thing I became aware of was that she was completely immersed in her feelings. Her body hunched over, her head was hung low and her voice was low, slow and sad sounding. I know that being associated into a situation can be useful in certain circumstances, but in this situation I needed to pull her out, or dissociate her, so she could see her situation from a new perspective. This is where a pattern interrupt is useful. So, I made her laugh about something completely unrelated to confuse her neurology.
The next item on the agenda to accomplish was to establish what she wanted as the outcome. NLP teaches us to create well formed outcomes every time we start a process. And, what exactly is a well formed outcome? I began to ask my sister what her vision of the future would be, and like any 15 year old young lady she replied; “I dunno…” And I responded, “Okay, and if you were to know, what would it look like if things worked out perfectly?” She started to describe the way in which she could see herself working through her issues with her boyfriend, the types of things she would be doing, the things she would be saying and the emotions that she would be feeling. As it turns out, she wasn’t able to completely conceive of how to accomplish each of her goals. This is when knowing how to model becomes paramount in achieving the results we want. (And by modeling, I don’t mean putting on a pair of Mom’s stiletto heals and creating a runway in our hallway.)
Modeling is perhaps the most important tool used in NLP. Modeling is the foundation of how NLP was developed. The method for modeling is simply to find a person who does the behavior you want to do, and figure out how they do it. This is why mentoring is so vital to creating healthy individuals. When a person has an ample source of people to look up to, she will have more resources to cope with potential situations that will arise in her life.
I had my sister close her eyes and become fully associated as a person who possesses the skills necessary to handle this particular problem. After she was able to get in touch with what it would feel like to actually have her issues resolved successfully and with ease, she knew what she had to do. It was only a few short minutes and she was ready to resolve her conflict. The best part is that she felt empowered to do it herself!
Situations such as these present themselves to me on a daily basis. Perhaps the situations are not as acute, and do not always involve family members. However, the fundamental tools are kept in my tool belt that I wear everyday. Before I start any construction project I use my magic rapport building tool to understand the person with whom I am speaking. Then, I pull out my sensory acuity stick in order to calibrate the situation properly. After I assess the project I am about to assume, and the environment in which I will be working in, I put on my builder’s hat and go to work. All of this happens unconsciously and effortlessly, just as one might drive a car and change the radio station while talking on the phone, changing lanes and shaving. Well, perhaps not just like doing all of those things while driving, but you get the gist of it, right?
What I am getting at is simply that once a person learns NLP, it becomes a silent force of positive change that is waiting patiently to emerge day to day. How can one not apply the tools of NLP once shown the value and track record of its use? Unconscious competence is a key term used in NLP to describe the effect of how a skill becomes second nature. When a person is unconsciously competent she can achieve successful results without knowing that she is doing it consciously. This is my well formed outcome for NLP, to be unconsciously competent with its use. Just as I learned how to breathe as a newborn I established the unconscious mechanisms for using NLP in real life, encouraging others to do the same.
How do I help others to align their outer circumstances with their internal dreams? By helping people to realize that there are alternate methods of perceiving reality, dealing with crises, handling life’s struggles and manifesting their desires. How will I do that? I will do that by guiding mentors to learn the tools of NLP including rapport building, calibrating, modeling which help these individuals to become unconsciously competent in whatever they desire. I can do this in California or in Costa Rica, with every person that I meet. When this is achieved, it enters the realm of real life and becomes really meaningful.
